It’s the beginning of a new year and I’ve been thinking about things I’d like to change in my life. Interestingly enough, what comes up for me also addresses the question I get most often regarding the poly lifestyle, “how do you find the time?” George Strait wrote it in the lyrics of his song, “Life’s not the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away” … and I call these “intimate moments” or “presence.”
“Intimate moments” often happen spontaneously and when we least expect it and that is wonderful when they do, but I know for myself there are certain scenarios in which I am more open and available and what a gift it is to create that environment with lovers and friends. I am going to share some of the situations that work for me.
Massage, Sensual touch, Lovemaking
In that order, massage brings me fully in the moment and this means giving or receiving. Touching the body of another is such an honor and being touched consciously and lovingly is such a treat. At this point, non-sexual massage is important for me. The message that I get is that I can relax fully. There is nothing I have to do. As my body awakens, it automatically becomes a more sensual experience and may move into love-making. I find from a place of relaxation, the sensations and connection are so much more intense.
Sitting in a tantric straddle position, one person sitting in the lap of the other with legs wrapped around them, in body-to-body embrace. In this position, I often find that it is hard to distinguish where the one I think of as “myself” ends and “the other” begins. We are one. (For those of you who have physical challenges and/or emotional issues that won’t allow for this position, try putting two chairs side-by-side but facing opposite directions and sit leaning slightly toward your partner in an embrace). Relax and enjoy.
Sitting in whatever position is comfortable for you facing your partner with about 12 inches between your faces, look into each other’s eyes. Do not stare intensely, but rather relax your gaze, giving each other the gift of presence.
Breathe into Each Other
In the tantric straddle, mouths close but not touching, one person breathes out while the other breathes in. Breathe slowly and deeply.
Play and Laugh Together
Aaaahhhh, this is one of my favorites. The joy of becoming child-like (not childish) and to experience a good belly-laugh with a lover or friend is just so much fun. Children laugh lots. Most adults have forgotten how to do that. Try laughing for no reason at all. Do a laughing meditation for 5 minutes (just laugh continuously), then be silent and experience how different you feel.
I’ve been suggesting mostly intimate moments with partners and friends and I want to point out how delicious and essential is “intimate moments” with one’s own self. Probably the most wonderful thing I do on my own is take a jacuzzi outdoors at night. The hot water beckons me and at the same time challenges me to relax into it. Once I submerge my body, the jets work on any tenseness I’ve built up during the day. I end my jacuzzi by turning off the jets and just floating face up and letting the heat and the darkness dissolve any remaining anxiety, frustration or feeling of separateness that I might be experiencing. As these things fade away, I am always amazed how wonderful it feels just to be alive!
Getting back to the question. “how do you find the time?” The answer is by making each moment count. Making sure I get my alone intimate time and then that I have those special intimate moments with lovers and friends and if any of my friends and lovers are feeling like they didn’t get their share, do know I am more committed in 2013!
How about you? Are you ready, willing and able to commit to more intimate moments? What would that look like in your life? I’d love to hear what you do to create closeness, relaxation and fun in your relationships and your aloneness.