What Does Polyamory Mean to Me?

My partner says I tend to focus on the problems that come up in the polyamory lifestyle and I need to express more of the positive aspects so here goes…..

Polyamory means more love.

Polyamory means more intimacy.

Polyamory means more special friends and lovers.

Polyamory means more variety of experiences, more adventures.

Polyamory means more and varied lovemaking.

Polyamory means forever growing and expanding my horizons.

Polyamory means being open to a myriad of possibilities with people and situations.

Polyamory means loving myself so much that I can share the overflow with others.

Polyamory means trusting myself.

Polyamory means be willing to face the challenges that come with loving more than one.

Polyamory means being sensitive, respectful, open and loving.

Polyamory means being courageous and daring.

Polyamory means being experimental.

Polyamory means enjoying giving and receiving pleasure.

Polyamory means knowing yourself.

This list is a growing and organically changing instrument and not to be taken as the final word on what polyamory means to me!

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10 Responses to What Does Polyamory Mean to Me?

  1. Emmanuele says:

    I like a lot like what you have written here. I guess this opinion is more common than I thought, but for some reason the opposite opinion gets voiced way more often. I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised; after all I don’t speak up about it either. When people say that relationships are hard, I typically just smile and make understanding noises even though I don’t exactly agree.

    • Naima says:

      One of the reasons I blog is to have non-conventional ideas about relationships put out in the open. I think it is important that people know they have many choices. Having lots of drama in one’s relationships is good for the movies but not so good in reality. It will affect one’s physical and emotional health and definitely will distract from one’s spiritual development. So what’s the alternative? Love, acceptance, focusing on oneself and sharing the wonder of who you are with those you care about. I would love to know what’s true for you.

  2. David Spero says:

    Well, you’ve sold me! My question is, where does one find the time, energy, money for more than one really close relationship?

    • Naima says:

      The subtitle to my blog is “the power to choose.” I am not trying to sell people on the poly lifestyle, but rather share my own experience and let people know that there are other choices besides monogamy and cheating. We are so lucky to be in the Bay Area of California where choices of lifestyles are so varied in every aspect of life, but others around the world may not even realize these choices are possible. Your question about time, energy and money are probably some of the most discussed topics at poly support groups. Poly relationships take so many forms that it is hard to address them from one perspective. For example, three people may choose to live together sharing work and cutting down individual expenses and therefore creating more time and energy for intimacy and sharing. In some relationships, one person is very happy to have time alone while their partner is enjoying another lover. Then that person may come home feeling energized and sexy and share some delicious energy with their live-in partner. You have motivated me to write more on some of the various forms poly relationships can take and some of the issues that might be faced with those choices.

  3. Thank you for writing on this important topic. One of the most important things that we can do for ourselves is to live examined lives. So often we go through life without considering why we do things the way we do. When we can be open to other points of view, we realize that what we once held as the truth was really no more than a point of view.

    This is the case with how we traditionally structure our relationships. I am not an advocate for people’s relationships looking any particular way. I am a stand though for people to live and create lives and relationships that work for them. Different level and layers of openness are considered taboo and wrong by much of our society. What that does not allow for is the range of human experience based on our authentic self expression rather than living lives based on social constructions.

    When our emotional and sexual expression are collapsed with morality, we are not living authentically. To disentangle the two does not result in living amoral lives. In fact, it takes a high degree of morals, ethics, and integrity to live successfully in open and polyamorous relationships, just as it does to living successful in monogamous relationships.

    Thank you for generating an important dialogue and for sharing your experience.

    • Naima says:

      I believe the term you use “authentic self expression” is another way of saying living your life from a place of freedom. But how to arrive there? So much conditioning, from family, from teachers, from religion, from peer group. How to find one’s way through the maze? My path has taken me to numerous workshops, meditation, yoga, deep breathing and a guru who made me realize that all of life is my teacher. Now my parents, my partner, my work, my clients, the homeless person asking for money, the car accident, the bus driver that made everyone laugh and you are all my teachers. How many wonderful opportunities in a single day to grow and learn and respond to situations and people in brand new ways!

  4. diane says:

    Thanks for your list and for sharing your experience. I would like to add I have found the world of polyamory has provided me with a great community, both locally and worldwide, and wonderful support through groups, conferences and the internet.

    • Naima says:

      Diana, I appreciate you mentioning this. The poly community has been so significant for me too in helping me get to this place of acceptance and joy. Yes, definitely a plus in the poly lifestyle.

      • Milos says:

        As I understand it, people tend to remember the bad more/easier than the good. This has been explained to me as a survival mechanism (eg. I touched the fire and it burned me!’) I think that a part of relationships being though of as hard is that when you’ve been involved in one for a long period of time, this can color your feelings of things. Another thing that I have found is that pleope tend to equate lots of work’ (in this case, compromising and, er, working with pleope) as being automatically hard. We can then add in that poly relationships are (just due to how many pleope are involved) more complex interactions than a one-to-one relationship.With all that, though, I think the question of if they are hard is more of a question for specific relationships, and the expectations that the participators bring with them to the table. The more you want to change (others, or yourself, willing, or not) in a relationship, the harder it’s likely to be. I think that a basic mistake that a *lot* of pleope make is getting in to a relationship with the idea of changing the person/people involved, instead of accepting them.

        • Naima says:

          The mind seems to be so attracted to the negative. As relationships go on, the people involved often forget why they were ever attracted to each other and now only the annoyances and intolerable qualities remain. Neither was the truth, so do we ever get to see each other in reality…just human beings with wonderful and not-so-wonderful qualities which leads to your next topic.
          I love the point that you bring up about acceptance of yourself and others. If you go into a relationship, monogamous or poly, with the idea of changing the other person, it is going to be lots of hard work with probably little reward. Acceptance is a real key to ease and happiness in relationships and all of life.

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